Why do I need a Breastfeeding Support Group?

There are many compelling reasons to join a breastfeeding support group, not the least of which is to make new friends!

Breastfeeding support groups welcome babies of all ages

Yes, breastfeeding is natural. But that doesn't mean it's easy! Was it easy to walk when you were first learning? Hell no, you fell dozens of times and ended up bruised and defeated until you finally mastered the skill and took off running! And breastfeeding is not just a skill that you're learning - it's a duet with your baby as your partner. My friend Courtney remarked after her second baby, "I feel like I'm on Dancing with the Stars. I'm the professional, and baby sister is the celebrity novice!" Even for an experienced second time mom, you have to train up your new partner who is starting from scratch. You may have read books on the subject and taken a class, and those are highly recommended ways to prepare! But it's still like reading a how-to manual about swimming, and then getting thrown into a pool for the first time. You might feel like you're drowning. So, you can go at it alone with a pretty steep learning curve, or you can bring in some reinforcements.

One of the best, most life-saving interventions for struggling new moms is finding a breastfeeding support group. It's mind blowing to hear stories of other moms' struggles and what they have managed to overcome, and how they did it. It's inspiring to see moms who had the same issues as you have now, sitting there happily nursing their baby like it's a piece of cake. You will feel camaraderie like you've never felt, if you can find a good group. It's OK if you cry when you're there. Everyone has cried at some point, it's cathartic! We all get it. I've led a support group for 14 years now, and there is a magical, beautiful phenomenon that repeats itself every week: The newest member wanders in, very uncertain and miserable, feeling defeated and anxious. She's not sure if this group has anything to offer her. When it's her turn to talk she can't get the words out and starts crying. Her problems seem overwhelming and she can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Another mom gets up and hands her a kleenex. The leader tells her that her challenges are common and solvable. Other moms start piping up with suggestions and stories of how they faced the same thing. Someone gives her a hug. Someone makes her laugh. Everyone admires her baby, tells her she's doing a good job. And she leaves that group feeling like, maybe I can do this after all. Maybe it's not a lost cause. Maybe I'm doing better than I thought I was. Maybe if I try that thing that was mentioned, it could help. Maybe I'll come back next week and feel like I've made some progress. And the next week she does come back. And things are a little better. And the next week, even better. And in the weeks that follow, SHE is the mom making it look like a piece of cake! SHE is the mom who gets up and hands the kleenex! She is the mom making the suggestions and encouraging that newest mom who is sure that she's failing. And the cycle continues.

Do you remember how horrible girls could be to each other in junior high and high school? How mean, backstabbing, status-seeking, gossipy, they could be? How exclusive little clicks were forming and you had to fight for your place, for acceptance? Imagine all that is obliterated, and in its place, is a group hug. Imagine all those girls cheering for you and genuinely caring about your feelings and well-being, even girls you just met, girls you don't even know! That's what a good support group is like - the opposite of high school. It's like as mothers, we finally get what it's all about. It's about supporting each other and seeing ourselves in other people. It's about building each other up so that all of us feel effective, and good about ourselves. It's a higher plane of existence and relating to each other, and we accomplish it very naturally when we become mothers. Our capacity for empathy knows no bounds.

So, yeah, I have a pretty great job, getting to see this happen every week. I think I leave my support group with oxytocin levels that are off the charts, even though I myself haven't lactated in years. They say a 6 second kiss with a loved one, a 20 second hug, looking directly into the eyes of a puppy - all these activities elicit a release of oxytocin, the love hormone. Of course breastfeeding releases oxytocin, too. I have to wonder how much collective oxytocin is flowing in a room full of lactating women who are all trying to help each other!

I know when our support group moms "graduate" from our group, they have a lot of pride in their accomplishment. Maybe they didn't end up exactly where they thought they would - expectations sometimes need to be adjusted based on circumstances. That mom who planned to exclusively breastfeed, may have needed to supplement with formula, and that's OK! The mom who thought she would nurse her baby, may have ultimately decided to pump and bottle-feed, and that's OK too! Making milk for your baby is amazing, no matter how much, and no matter how they take it. At the end of the day, you tried your hardest and accomplished some things, you love your baby, and your baby loves you. Your baby will benefit from any amount of milk you can provide, and from any length of time you hung in there. Pat yourself on the back and know that you gave it your all during Chapter One of Motherhood. There are many more chapters left, continuous opportunities to shine, and by making milk for your baby, you've demonstrated a high level of dedication and committment to this new role!